A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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