Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She bit a glass in half.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
