so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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