I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
