Someone shit on the floor
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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