Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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