HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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