I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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