I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
