HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Even the bartender felt bad for me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize