dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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