You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
