On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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