Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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