Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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