You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
