I cannot find my penis.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize