You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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