I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
