I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
