Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
