so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
