Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
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