Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
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