Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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