My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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