Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
