The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When are your genitals available?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
