i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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