let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
