so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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