Me too!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
