worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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