I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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