Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
