I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize