Where did you get a picture of my penis
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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