Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
