I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
