I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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