watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
