I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize