I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
