the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
