This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
