u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
