Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
