Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
