Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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