We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
