Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
