Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
