the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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