I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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