What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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