Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
