I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
