Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize