youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
