R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
