If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
