im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Still dying that you shit outside
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
