Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have so much sex to catch up on
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
