but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My penis needs a shock collar
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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