I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize