The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We have started to decorate penises.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
