I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
