I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize