hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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