At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
