Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
