where am i from again
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
