Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
