They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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