apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
